am i invisible?

After an incident at the school today, I was left wondering if I really am invisible. See, my super powers...i can vanish and overhear you talking about me and you never will know I'm there!

Reality check...not for me, for the lunchlady who, for whatever reason, felt it necessary to badmouth me to her coworker when I was standing 3 feet away! And, being the mature person that I am, I restrained myself and left a note for the principal of the school to call me. Yup, I tattled.

First of all, whatever issues I have for the wicked lunchlady/evil crosswalk dictator are between the two of us. Yes, I realize that it isn't HER problem that I had four children under 4 and couldn't park a half block from the school, get out all the children, walk through the parking lot, cross the street all to get my kids from school. What I asked her was where I could go where I didn't have to get everyone out...if I had any options. All I got from her was "It's not my problem" UGH Forgive me for expecting the person telling me where I *COULDN'T* park could tell me some place where I COULD park! I have since found out I CAN park in the main parking lot despite the 3 foot pot hole and city sewer warning baricade. It would have been nice if the administration at the school would have notified the parents ahead of time that there would be changes in where parents could park for pickup.

Second, it was highly unprofessional and downright inappropriate for her to start blabbering to her coworker while I was standing RIGHT THERE about it. I heard her say "she's the one who said she had four kids in the car and i *told* her that it's not my problem" yadda yadda yadda

If she's going to say things like that in front of the parent she's TALKING about in a room cafeteria full of students and other parents, what else is she saying?

I understand that people gossip and talk about "those people" they encounter at work. I'm not upset about that. Heck, that's what I'm doing here :P What I'm upset about is the FORUM in which she did it...like IN FRONT OF ME, in front of students, in front of other parents.

Anyway, now I'm waitinf for the principal to call me back. If I don't hear from her on Monday, I'll be giving her another call.

Of course if crosswalk dictator flips me the bird or some other dirty look, I'll know the principal said something hahaha

Oh and if this makes ANY difference in this, this particular crossing guard is the ONLY ONE that doesn't wave or smile at the parents as they drive by. All the other ones do. She NEVER smiles. Always has a scowl on her face.

Freecycle Rocks

I think those that are familiar with freecycle know what an awesome thing it is. For those that don't know what freecycle is, WHAT? ARe you living in a cave?

We've been able to get rid of so much stuff. It's great.

But tomorrow, I'm going to pick up a toddler sized bike for my 4 yo! I'm so excited. Now, just to figure out where to hide it until Christmas :P

And, yeah...I know some of you are going "ew used Christmas presents" but when you have four kids who are really hard on their toys, you realize that getting things "broken in" is really the best way to go. I don't want to invest a lot of my hard earned money in toys that accidently get left outside and ruined. THere's no emotional attachment to the toys (and my money). I have no qualms about letting the natural consequences happen. If I spend money on a toy, I get really weird about throwing it away, even if it breaks. It's weird, I know...but doing it this way, we really cut down on the clutter :D

good news!

the derm wanted to see me asap. i went in this morning. he said there's a 95% chance its benign! woohoo but we'll get the biospy results next week.

he removed it and the needle for the local hurt worse than the procedure. I didn't realize I'd have to be grounded for them to do it ...that was a bit "shocking" hahaha

anyway, the site is starting to hurt a bit now, so i'll probably take a tylenol for the pain.

oh i also had him look at a couple other spots and he said while it's very unusual to have what i have in the particular shape it is, that it's nothing to worry about. I can't remember what it's called, but basically my stretch mark tore and teh capillaries or whatever healed super close to the skin and you can see it. i wish i could describe it better. it's weird.

too freaked to sleep

Why do I do this to myself? Really? Why?

I know I've been ignoring the growth on my back. It didn't fit any of the warning signs to be worried about it. But tonight when we were swimming, DH finally noticed and commented about the growth. *sigh*

Now, I feel this wriggling in the back of my mind getting louder...the wriggling I've been TRYING, quite successfully until now, to ignore. The little voice in teh back of my mind says this is more than I think it is. I hate that voice because that voice is ALWAYS right.

Before I got pregnant with my first baby, that little voice said there would be complications and he'd be born early.

When I was pregnant with my fourth baby, the voice said 'you're going to have problems with the heart rate decellerating and will transfer to the hospital, prepare for it' and that's what happened.

Now I don't believe for one minute that any of that is self fulfilling prophesy. I mean, any woman can attest that you can't WILL a baby to come early just because you think it will. Nor can you control the baby's heart rate during the labor.

The wriggling voice has also brought me immediately to my knees in prayer for the safety of my husband. That time, at the very moment of my prayer, the truck he was driving was about to go off a steep embankment on a snowy mountain. For some reason, the truck skidded the other direction ... ya know UP HILL...and he was safe.

And deep in my heart, I feel that one reason I haven't been able to get pregnant is because God wants me to get this taken care of first. But, getting it taken care of is terrifying, too. I mean, you have to admit something is wrong! And, let's face it...even if it is *just* skin cancer...the word cancer is absolutely frightening. No one really wants to face it. Yeah, they can cut it out and it's no big deal, but that big bad ugly word is there...taunting you.

So, by putting this all on "paper" I'm hoping to write out my anxiety over this and be able to sleep. hopefully, I'll be able to post in a couple days that it is all just my overactive imagination and a bad google search.

the body shaping continues

I finally got up the courage to measure myself. I'd been putting it off. I was so horrified when I started with my measurements...afraid that i wasn't going to see results. Then the pants started getting loose, so I knew it was really happening.

Anway...drumroll please...

I've lost THREE inches off my waist
TWO inches off my hips!

Ok so my waist is the size my hips were before I had kids, but, and I have to keep reminding myself of this, I was a size zero before having kids. I was a Calista Flockheart with hips. I've always had hips. When DH and I met, he could almost wrap his hands entirely around my waist. My waist size was in the TEENS. Not exactly healthy.

ANyway, my goal now is to get my waist out of the 30s and into the 20s and the hips from the 40s into the 30s. Two more inches all around should do it.

oh and my abs...i have them. and my post baby tummy pooch...it's like HALF the size it used to be.

One of these days I'll get brave and post before and after pics

not much happening

hahahaha

sorry. that was a joke. we have been so busy lately that i hardly have a chance to blog.

i promise i will come back to this later...when i have a chance for a sanity break and to organize my thoughts better.

a big milestone

My sweet little one, who turned 2 at the end of August, has been requesting to sleep in her big sister's room. So, we pulled out the pack n play (we havne't gotten a railing yet for the bottom bunk) and Kari's been sleeping ALL NIGHT in it.

I put her down for bed about 9 pm and she wakes happily around 630 or 7. She doesn't wake to nurse or anything. heck, even when she was cosleeping she hardly nursed at night.

still, i'm sad that she's jumped out of the family bed so soon.

yeah, i'm following HER lead, but dang it *I* am not ready yet.

things i refuse to do as a wife

I love my husband dearly, but there are some things I wife should never be asked to do for her husband. THankfully, the list is small. In fact, until tonight there was only one thing on the list.

First and foremost, a wife really shouldn't have to give her husband a suppository...for ANY reason. I love him but not THAT much ;)

Second, a wife shouldn't have to climb up in to the attic to get a dead animal out. That's one of the reasons I got married...I needed someone to kill things for me and then deal with the bodies.

Are there any others I haven't discovered yet after 11 years of marriage?

ups and downs

THe bad news: DH found two squirrels in our attic. We'll have to go to home depot on Monday and pick up traps. The good news: We have to return some things there so hopefully we'll break even.

The good news: I've lost almost 10 lbs since I started going to the gym more regularly. The bad news: I feel guilty about toasting marshmallows on my stove.

The good news: Dd's first sleep over last night went really well. The bad news: The girls stayed up pretty late, almost 1030 (hey my dd's bedtime is 7:30) and they woke up early...around 630. Dh let me sleep in, so I guess that's good news, too!